


No Match for Her.

by stanky_plums



Series: Cheating Avengers [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Abusive Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe, Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Cheating, F/M, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Marvel Universe, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader-Insert, Sad Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, plus sized reader, push over reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanky_plums/pseuds/stanky_plums
Summary: You and Steve Rogers have been married for 3 years and you thought the two of your were as happy as can be. You never questioned his loyalty towards you even when hints are dropped. However, when you find fool proof evidence that your beloved is cheating on you, you have to decide what's best for your future.----~[PREVIOUSLY TITLED 'BLAMELESS']~





	1. Chapter 1

You’d been married to Steve Rogers for about two years at this point and your marriage was still going strong. You couldn’t think of anything that could tear the two of you lovebirds apart - the both of you were essentially attached at the hip! The only time you guys were separated for a substantial amount of time was when he was off for missions, meetings or debriefings.

 

Today, you felt like doing something special as you had something special to tell Steve as well as the rest of the Avengers: you were pregnant. Today, the team didn’t have a morning mission, so you woke up earlier than anybody else - earlier than when Steve woke up to run with Sam - and you’d made breakfast for the entire team. You’d cooked and prepared the whole shebang: waffles, pancakes, toast, eggs, bacon, sausages, you name it! 

When 5 am struck, you were pleasantly surprised to see Sam coming in sooner that usual. Except this morning, he wasn’t wearing his usual running clothes. Instead, he was wearing his armor with his wings folded behind him, carrying a huge duffel bag. His face brightens up when he sees the fully prepped breakfast you’ve concocted.

 

“Sam!” you exclaim, giving him a good ol’ bear hug. “You’re up earlier than usual today. What’s up with the duffel bag and armor? Is there a mission this morning? Stevie said there wouldn’t be.”

 

His eyes dart around the room, his eyebrow raised in question. “Yeah, sorry. Sugar, where is everyone this morning?”

 

“I’m pretty sure they’re all asleep, Sam.”

 

His hands bang on the table, “damn it! I think they’re forgetting the fact that I’m getting more punctual. They need to stop ordering me to be places half an hour earlier.”

 

You chuckle. “Well, in the meantime, let me offer you all of this freshly cooked food.” You drag your hand across the table to present the banquet you’ve prepared. “For once, you’ll be eating food untouched by those grimy super-soldiers, right?” You nudge his side.

 

“Haha I guess so. Although according to Agent 13, I wouldn’t say those soldiers are all too grimy, if ya know what I mean.” He nudged your ribs back.

 

You tilt your head a little. “No actually, I don’t know what you mean.” His face shoots up to look at yours - his eyes widening. You press a little further. God, you loved being able to get little secrets out of such grown men. “What did you mean by that, huh?”

 

He brushes his hand as if to clear the air. “Oh y’know what? Don’t worry about it, it’s a lot to explain,” he coughs a little - clearing his throat, “there’s a long backstory and… I know how bored you get with my stories sometimes.”

 

You let out a sigh. “Yeah, you’re right, your stories do get quite boring,” you joke, breaking the obvious veil of tension in the air. All of a sudden, you feel a bit lightheaded and you felt your throat close up a bit.  _ Oh no your morning sickness _ . Very hastily, you say to Sam, “eat what you want, I’m gonna go clean myself off, have a shower and what not. When I come back, all this food better not be gone,” you say, wagging a “disciplining” finger at him.

 

After you came out of the bathroom, the rest of the team was already outside eating, and after just 10 minutes of feasting, they had all licked the plates clean and went off on the mission. There wasn’t enough time today to tell him, and everyone else, the big news, so you opted to tell them in the next few days when the time is right.

 

Seeing everyone out, you hold on to Stevie’s hand. “When will you be back?”

 

“It shouldn’t take too long, Doll,” Steve promises, holding your cheek in his large palm. “I’ll see you later tonight?”

 

You smile back at him. “See you, Stevie. Love you.”

 

“Love you too.” And with that, as the two of you kissed, the rest of the team began scuttling out of the room. Parting from the kiss, you see Sam shaking his head in your peripheral vision, but you paid no mind - he must just be wincing like a kid at two people kissing.

 

Once everyone leaves, you clean the kitchen up and sit yourself down of your bed, getting ready for a fun day filled with watching a bunch of movies, doing some work and oh, of course, puking. You had known that morning sickness was uncomfortable, but until you’d been experiencing it yourself, you truly understood the discomfort.

 

After a few hours of movies interrupted by you running to the toilet and vomiting, you decide to get some work done and stalk some people on the SHIELD database. That was, after all, technically your job as the legal representative of The Avengers. Being part of their law team, you had access to profiles, evidence files, you name it! 

The first thing you decide to do is see if Stevie’s records are still set straight, making sure there were no grounds for legal trouble against him in the future due to loopholes and what have you not. You do the same for the rest of the team - Nat, Sam, Buck, Tony and a couple more. But after a few hours of work, you decide to search up: 

**Agent 13**

 

The page you find on her is outstanding. She has quite a clear track record and she’s achieved so much in just 30 years, constantly and rapidly working her way up the ranks. She was impressive, that was for sure. You clicked on a few photos of her and you thought to yourself, ‘ _ this blonde is gorgeous’ _ . Your train of thought couldn’t help driving itself into the shadowy corners of your mind and soon all you could think about was how perfect she was and how bloody imperfect you were. She had amazing physique, she was fit, knew how to defend herself, clearly had a strong work ethic and according to the few voice memos in her profile, you noticed she had this gorgeous, rich and clear voic-  _ ‘okay, stop there,’ _ you think to yourself, interrupting your course of self-hating thought.  _ ‘You get it, she’s perfect and you’re  _ **_not_ ** _. Now move on.’ _

 

You let a tear slip.  _ ‘No,’ _ you wouldn’t let yourself get caught up in your insecure thoughts again. Not after Steve tried so hard to get you out of that dark hole. Steve really cared about you if you knew anything about him. When two of you had just started dating, you would always pull back when he slipped a hand underneath your shirt. It took him seven months to make you trust him enough and feel comfortable enough to be naked in front of him. It wasn’t that you legitimately thought he would leave you just based off your looks, but you knew beauty was in the eye of the beholder and you felt that deep down, he’d only truly love the look of skinny girls. 

Peggy Carter came to mind often when you were thinking about what you should or had to look like; she was a bombshell. According to photos taken back in the day, her lips were always plump and cheeks always rosy regardless if she was on the battlefield with grenades blowing up behind her. She also always had her hair curl and fall in all the right places. You, on the other hand, could barely look presentable as a homeless person with all this morning sickness making your hair disheveled.

 

You brushed the thought off, shut your laptop and brushed fingers through your hair as you heard the clicks of F.R.I.D.A.Y. unlocking the front door. You look at the time on the alarm clock placed on the bedside table next to you.  **8:47 PM** . Man, you really needed to get a hold of your thoughts. Shoving your laptop aside and tossing the duvet off your legs, you get up to greet your boyfriend at the door. 

 

Stepping towards the door and the hunk of muscle you call your boyfriend, you tiptoe and wrap your arms around his neck, holding him close. You hear the thud of this bag drop to the floor as he wraps his arms around your waist you the two of you hold each other for a while. You breathe in his scent, your nostrils filled with the familiar smell of his sweat. As weird and oddly primal as it seemed, you loved the scent of him and often held his pillow close to you on nights he was away on a mission. But the scent you picked up from the nape of his neck as you were hugging him, wasn’t completely familiar. There was a slight sweetness to it. A slight floral scent to it. Like he had used the wrong detergent.

 

“Hmmm,” you muffled in the collar of his stealth suit, the both you letting go of each other’s tight hold. “Did you change soaps? You smell… sweeter. I liked the old smell better.”

 

His eyes fell to the floor, lips pinched together, and his hand held the back of his neck. “Uhhh, yeh I did. A colleague - a-a-a teammate - recommended it to me.” You kissed his cheek and tousled his hair playfully. 

 

You scoffed, “and you made a big fuss when I wanted to change the soap.”

 

Steve held his wide hand to your cheek, tugging your lips up to a smile. “That’s because, honey, that new soap smelled stenchy.”

 

You giggle. “Stenchy? Oh, you’re such an old fool. Speaking of, you smell quite stenchy yourself, why don’t you go take a shower.”

 

As he steps into the bedroom, you pick up his gym duffel bag and bring it to the laundry room. Emptying out the contents, you turn all all his clothes inside out, getting them ready to put in the wash. But taking his gym shorts out, you notice a lump in its right pocket. Shoving your hand into the pocket, you reach in and take out a pair of red thongs out. You’re eyes widen, eyebrows rising. It looks like the pair that you kept hidden in the back of your closet - waiting for it to be used for a special occasion or until you were skinny enough to put it on. Maybe Stevie just found it and decided to keep it for the day, so absentmindedly, you toss everything into the wash and walk back to your bedroom.

 

Hearing the water still splashing in the shower, you decide to change into your pajamas. You pull one of Stevie’s old shirts on which fit quite snugly around your hips and hop into bed. You see Stevie’s phone on the bedside table; although you weren’t one to snoop around where you don’t belong, you couldn’t help but notice the dozens of text messages he was receiving. Looking over at his constantly lit up phone, you see that they’re all image attachments to text messages from a **Sharon Carter - Agent 13** .

 

A little part of your heart flutters with panic, but you don’t let the feeling set in.  _ ‘It’s probably a work thing,’ _ you reassure yourself. But the thoughts from earlier today surfaced and you couldn’t help but view the texts. You click on the notification and felt a pang of guilt entering the passcode he trusted you with:  **_1 9 3 6_ ** \- the year his mother passed away.

 

Scrolling through the photos, the first thing your brain registers is that they’re not work photos. They’re not paperwork, not evidence, not codes, but they’re photos of her bare, naked body with nothing but her arm and the phone covering a tit. 

You should have dropped the phone. You should have barged into the bathroom to tell Stevie off. You should have packed everything you had and gotten out of there. But all you could do in that moment was admire how flawless her body was. There wasn’t a single stretch mark visible, her breasts were perky and her stomach was flat. You didn’t notice how long you’d been sitting there until you heard something drop on the floor. Sounded like a hairbrush, but you weren’t sure. You still hadn’t looked away from the nudes. 

 

“[Y/N].” You ears pay attention to him, but your eyes are still staring at his phone. “Doll, I don’t know what to tell you, I never asked her to send them to me.” You stay quiet. “Baby, I never intended to start anything with her.” After you’ve prolonged the silence a little too long for Steve’s taste, he starts waving his hand between your face and his phone. 

“Doll,” he says more forcefully. 

 

“I don’t blame you,” you say as clearly as you can in the state that you’re in, but really, it just comes out as a murmur. You know he heard you though.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because she’s perfect.”

 

He reaches his hands out to you face. “Oh no, no, no honey, none of that. You know I think you’re perfect too right?”

 

You shrug. “I guess.”

 

“You  _ guess _ ?” he asks you, tilting your expressionless face up towards him. “You should  _ know _ you’re perfect, Doll. ‘Cuz you are. I’ve told you plenty of times, why don’t you believe me?”

 

“Because, Steve, actions speak louder than words.” His eyes are flickering all across your face, looking for some sign of anger. He had one major concern at that moment: why weren’t you angrier at him? You continue with the sentence you said earlier, “I don’t blame you because she’s perfect. She’s everything I’m  _ not _ . I mean, who  _ wouldn’t _ want to fuck that? Hell, if I could, I would.” 

You put his phone back on the nightstand and stand up, making him move back a few steps. “Oh by the way, I found red panties in your pocket, my mind didn’t even think that you had cheated on me. That’s the kind of power you have over me, Stevie.” Letting out a quitting sigh, you continue, “That’s how much I trust you. That’s how much i love you.”

 

He scrunches his eyebrows a bit as if doing a calculation in his head. Then he looks at you with hope glistening in his eyes. “Present tense. Everything you said was in present tense… so you still love me?”

 

You look to the floor, somewhat ashamed that you weren’t madder at him. “Yeah.”

 

“Can we make this work, Doll? I’ll cut off all contact with her. I-I-I’ll send her to a different division for you. I’ll ask the company to make conversation between her and I indirect. I’ll do that all for you.”

 

You couldn’t help but let your lame self smile a little. “I’m not worried about that. I know that if I give you a second chance, you won’t mess things up again.”

 

He nods in agreement.

 

“What I’m worried about is if  _ you _ still love me and if you’ll continue to love me even when I get fatter and get more raw, red stretch marks. Will you continue to love me if I got more bloated, and my entire body swells, and my breasts hurt, and when I have blue bags under my eyes, and whe-” you don’t notice the fact that you’re babbling on about pregnancy issues until Steve speaks up.

 

“Woah Doll, you’re getting ahead of yourself there. What’s all this talk about the symptoms of pregnancy?”

 

You walk up, hold both of his hands in both of yours, and look him in the eye. “Stevie, I’m not worried that you’ll mess things up after I give you a second chance because-because the second chance is contingent on one thing and one thing only.”

 

“I’m all ears, Doll.”

 

“I’m pregnant, Stevie.” He lets out a slight gasp. “I’m pregnant and it’s yours and if or when I give you this second chance, I’m going to want you to keep your word, keep to your vows, and grow this child up with me - your  _ wife _ .”

 

One hand holds yours back tighter and the other lets go and places it on your non-existent belly bump. He begins reciting his vows, “You were my reason back then, my reason now, my reason every day. You strengthen my weaknesses, bring focus to my dreams. Here and now I pledge my life to yours…”

“Again,” you add in and the two of you chuckle.

 

“I pledge to you that your dreams become my dreams. No matter where life leads me, I know that as long as you are there, that is where I am meant to be.” The two of you gaze at each other in silence for a little while before you need to wipe your tears away.

 

“I’m surprised you still remember your vows. I only remember the gist of mine, and that’s that I’ll love you now and I’ll love you no matter what.”

 

He sniffles. “Yeah… let’s go to sleep, Doll. It’s late and you and mini-us needs the rest. I’ve stressed you out too much already today. I’m sorry.” And with that, he carries you down into the bed, lays a kiss on your forehead and snuggles in behind you, wrapping your legs and arms in his.

 

Before lulling yourself to sleep and passing out, you spend the rest of the night looking down at his arms wrapped around you, thinking back to what you had said earlier in your fit of passion:

 

_ “That’s the kind of power you have over me, Stevie. That’s how much I trust you. That’s how much I love you.” _

 

And you couldn’t help but continue thinking about how true this was. How true this  _ is _ . That just after you’ve exposed your husband’s affair, you let him back into your life with open arms and with equal rights to what will soon be the most important thing in your life - your child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeh so... this took a turn for the angsty and dark. It wasn't what I expected to write going into this but it's how it turned out :)  
> But it's only build up so that Steve can get a taste of his own medicine. >:)
> 
> (By the way, there are rape/non-con elements in this - I've updated the tags).
> 
> Also, for those of you wondering, word count: 1901.

Opening your heavy eyelids to the new morning, you wake up to see Steve snuggling and kissing your neck - as he normally would either after a particularly romantic evening the day before, or to make up for something he’d done. On this fine morning, he was pecking wet kisses on you for the latter reason.

When he sensed your breathing getting heavier and quicker, he looked up and gave you a smirk. You could see the morning light dancing in the beautiful, deep blue depths of his eyes. But before you could ponder what colour eyes your child would have, he brings his mouth lower to your clavicle, then when he reached your shirt’s neckline, he began sliding his hand underneath your shirt to take it off. His strong, warm hands pulled your shirt upwards, all whilst they brushed past the fat you had on your belly.

 

Suddenly, without warning, you felt your throat tighten on itself - you needed to run to the bathroom. Twisting your body to break yourself from the hold of a super-soldier was just as useless as a mouse getting its head out of a closed trap. So you had to use your big girl words.

 

“STEVE GET THE FUCK OFF ME OR I SWEAR I WILL PUKE ON YOU.”

 

With that shrieked at him, he moves out of your way, letting you roll out of bed and race to the toilet. Vomiting your guts out, you feel Steve’s hand patting your back as an act of support, but all this did was remind you how especially disgusting you were next to the adonis-like supermodel next to you.

 

Finally, at your ‘morning sickness halftime’, you face to say to him, “Steve, it’s okay, you can leave. I don’t want you seeing me like this.”

 

He caresses your face and smiles at you. “Doll, you look beautiful what are you talking about?”

 

Although your heart fluttered a bit, you guess you still shouted at him because pregnancy meant you had less tolerance towards everything. “uGH Steve! Would you go get ready for work or something and stop bothering me!?”

 

The smile on his face told you he understood your intention - you meant no harm with your shouting. So he pulled your hair back to drape it behind your back and took off.

 

After brushing your teeth thoroughly and showering, you hear Steve call your name from outside. Walking out, you see Steve all dressed and ready in his stealth suit. “Sorry, Sugar, we just got called to an emergency mission. They said it should only last three or four days, but with the description they gave us, I predict we’ll be back in a week or two, to be honest, Doll.”

 

You let out a sigh. “Alright. Stay safe until you get home then. You’re staying alive for two people now,” you say raising a hand to rub your belly. “Maybe by the time you come back there’ll be a baby bump for you to see.”

 

He grins at the thought. He takes your hand and you squeal as he pulls you in towards him. He holds your hips and rubs your belly with his coarse thumbs. “Yes. Let’s hope so.”

 

You take his face in your much smaller hands and peck his lips. The kiss becomes increasingly heated and he takes your neck in his hand, pulling your lips close and tight to his. His hands move down and he pulls you up with ease, allowing your legs to wrap around his waist.

When you hear quiet beeping, Steve grumbles and gently places you back on your feet.

 

“I really need to go, Doll. That beeping was a warning: the quinjet’s fired up and ready to go,” he informs you, picking up a black duffel bag. “I love you. More than anything in this plane of existence.”

 

“Okay you can stop being so dramatic now. I love you too.”

 

He opens the door. “Hey, we can still have… even if you’re pregnant right?”

 

You giggle. “Yes. It’s safe for us to have sex while I’m pregnant, Stevie.”

 

Pink blush rises to his cheeks and he grins. WIth that, he leave and closes the door.

 

\---

 

A week and a half later, you wake up and twist yourself to a more comfortable position only to realise Stevie’s arms tightly wrapped around you. You gasp, feeling a solid lump brush your hip.

 

“Doll, I’ve missed you so much.”

 

“Hmmm I can tell,” you chuckle.

 

He starts nipping your swelling breasts and nudging his hips into the side of yours. He grunts. “Look at me. I don’t think you understand how much I want you right now. Nearly two weeks without having anybody really kills a man, Doll.”

 

“Ah, I see your libido’s increased since you’ve given up agent 13.”

 

“You’re damn right I’ve given her up; I’m all yours now. And you’re mine.”

 

With his bare hands, he rips the fabric off of you. You gasp. With haste, you pull back and cover yourself up with a blanket.

 

“Stevie, you know I hate my body when… wh--wh-when-when you don’t prepare me,” you tell him, letting a tear drop to your bare breasts.

 

He holds your chin and pulls it up, forcing you to look at him. His eyes were fully dilated, leaving only a sliver of blue wrapped around an orb of blackness. Without any indication and with vigour, he pulls your head in by your chin and collides his lips with yours. More tears prick at the side of your eyes.

 

“Stevie, I don’t understand. Why are you acting like this? Can’t you take your time a little bit?”  


He rubs a tear away with his thumb. “Awe honey, there’s nothing to be scared about just… just trust me, will ya?”

 

You sniffle a little. “Okay. Just slow down a bit. Can you do that for me?”

 

He groans as his hands are groping and kneading your breasts; his lips pecking your belly’s newly formed baby bump.

 

“Yeh, sure,” you heard him mumble, but It didn’t sound like he meant it.

 

He lifted his body off of yours to get a better stance, only to pin your shoulders down with his arm. You tried to lift yourself up, but there was no chance against the strength of one super-soldier arm. You twisted and turned but to no avail. Your struggling led Steve’s hand to grasp around your neck - keeping your torso still. Your fingers picked at his hand, trying to get him to loosen his tight hold. When his grip just got tighter, you spoke up with what little air was passing your windpipe.

 

“Steve, we’ve never talked about this! You’re holding my neck too tight.”

 

He stops everything he was doing and moves out of your way. He kneels next to you, hands placed on his lap. You sit up, massaging the discomfort in your neck. When you glance at him, you thought you saw remorse in his face, but when you moved in closer to touch his cheek, he grabs your neck in a choke hold and drags you up the bed’s frame.

Close up, his breathing was heavy and eyes were filled with fury.

 

“You want to be my wife _and_ my lover? Then stop bitching and acting like you don’t want this, and let me fuck you.” He growled and pounced at you.

 

Your eyes widened at his sudden brashness. He’s never spoken to you like this before.

 

When you try to whisper something along the lines of, “stop this, it’s painful for me and the baby” your breathing gets slower and your head begins to feel light and dizzy.

 

When you lay there helpless and breathless - quite thoroughly asphyxiated - you resorted to the most dire, the most primal of thoughts. The only thing you could do was look at your baby bump, hoping and praying to a higher being to keep yourself alive only so that the baby could continue growing andlive on.

 

The last thing you remember before passing out was the feeling of your head thumping into the wall as he pushed in and out of you.

 

\---

Waking up, you check the time and see that it’s already late afternoon - 5:00 PM.

 

 _“What happened? "_  you ask yourself, scurraging for any hint or memory in your mind. When you finally remember what happened and the trauma Steve had put upon your body, you gasp, sit up and hold your baby bump - making sure it was still there.

 

A voice from another corner of the room interrupted your train of thought. “Doll, you’re finally awake,” he says with a smile. When he walked towards you, your body jolted backwards, slamming yourself on the bed frame.

 

You hold a protective arm around your baby bump, your senses heighten and your breathing gets more rapid. “Get away from me, Rogers.”

 

“[Y/N]. God, calm down, it’s just me.”

 

“I don’t care if it was _‘just you’_ , you fucking raped me!”

 

He took a few steps back, his face plastered with shock. “Woah, woah, hey now, let’s just calm down and take a few deep breaths, alright?” When you don’t respond to what he’s saying, he continues, “what’s all this talk about… ab-about rape, doll? I would never-”

 

“Oh so you just choked and fucked your unconscious, pregnant, wife, huh?” you challenge, not caring how badly you made his sound. He put your baby in danger, and he deserves to feel ashamed.

 

“You said we could still have sex even if you’re pregnant!” he argues, defending himself.

 

“Being pregnant isn’t the issue here, knucklehead. Me being unconscious is!”

 

“Doll, I didn’t even know you were unconscious. You were still breathing fine!”

 

“God, you sick fuck. In your hundred years alive I'd have thought that you would know that being unconscious doesn't mean being dead,” you say, shaking your head. “And where did you learn to be so rough anyways? You have _never_ been that sadistic. Not in the three years we’ve been together.”

 

“Sadistic? I was barely even that rough with you, you’re just too sensitive.”

 

“Oh I’m sensitive now, am I?”

 

“Yeah, you are! Sharon could have handled so mu-,” he stops himself, only just registering what he’d said.

 

“Handled what, Stevie? ‘So much _more_ ?’” you mock. “Is Sharon just _that much better than me?!_ ” you shriek at the top of your lungs.

 

Not a tenth of a second passes before he says, “YES.”

 

Shock clouded your mind and all the fury, sadness, mockery in your face fell into a sullen look. You could feel all the blood rush out of your face, your throat cinched together slightly and your stomach drops. You pin your gaze down from his face to your baby bump, soon learning that when the going got tough, you always sought out your baby bump for comfort and consolation.

 

You walked to your wardrobe, took out a robe to cover your bare body and left without saying another word. Steve shouted something at you as you were leaving, but the shouts were just quiet, incomprehensible mumbles compared to the piercing buzz you were hearing in your head. You had no idea what he was telling you; you were completely zoned out - dissociated.

 

Before he could stop you, you paced to the front door and entered the lift, quickly pressing the button that would lead you to your best friend Nat’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye, now you see what I mean by things taking a turn for the dark and angsty...  
> Hopefully I haven't taken this too far. I might actually need more than 3 chapters but, well, let's see how involved we wanna get. XD  
> I tried to express the elements of rape without it getting smutty because 1) reader here isn't enjoying herself and 2) I'm not ready to write smut yet lmao (one day, people. One day...).
> 
> \- Also, yes, Nat will always be your protective best friend.
> 
> P.S. Like always, please feel free to correct any mistakes or suggest what happens later (I don't have a solid idea so whatever you say/request will most likely be added in! :0).
> 
> P.P.S. I know Steve is supposed to be perfect (and he is ;), but I really wanted to channel his inner early 1900's husband vibes where the mindset is that a wife is something to be possessed etc. That's why he only acted like that in the heat of the moment - the mindset is engraved in head and all. <\- I'll touch on this next chapter or something.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little bit more of a filler... I hope it's still all right though :)
> 
> Also, before you start, can I just say: Thank you all so much for 500+ hits (actually, it's rly close to 600 :0). It's friggin' amazing. What the heck. And thanks to those who are following or have just clicked on this out of curiosity <3 I know they're just numbers, but it does mean a lot. I honestly didn't expect any more than 10 hits lmao.
> 
> [edit: I've literally just posted this and it's at 600 hits now yaY!]
> 
> \----
> 
> RUSSIAN WORDS MENTIONED:  
> Матушка = matushka = mother  
> Милая = milaya = darling, sweet, dear
> 
> \----  
> Word count: 1529

Today would be your third day camping out in Nat’s floor. Everyday, migraines would flow through you and there was a constant ache in your gut. Due to the pain and lack of motivation, you spent your days hiding out and sobbing in Nat’s room.

 

Every meal was a bother and despite how hungry you got, you never had the appetite to eat. It was as if your body was in an ongoing state of shock and all your body needed to do right now was kill itself. But despite how little appetite you had, Nat would prepare simple meals and sit next to you on her bed to eat with you - making sure you nibbled every single crumb on your plate for your sake and the baby’s sake.

 

Today, you had slept and cried through breakfast, but she was insistent on you getting at least two meals a day. She came back in her room at 1:30 PM with a tray and two bowls of what looked like soup. You made some space on the bed for her to settle the tray in the middle, and the two of you sat facing each other. To avoid spilling anything on Nat’s bed, you sat close to the tray, so close your baby bump would hit the edge of it. Once settled, you could feel the steam from the soup warm your face up.

 

“I’ve made something special today since I had time to go to the market and prepare yesterday,” she says, sounding a lot giddier than her normal self.

 

“Oh nice! It smells flipping delicious, Nat. What is it? Vegetable soup?”

 

“Kind of. It’s called solyanka soup. My matushka used to make it for me on cold nights when I was very small. Just the smell of this soup comforts my soul, milaya.”

 

You take a sniff of the soup. The smell immediately bringing a growl to your stomach.

 

Nat smiles. “The baby’s hungry too, [Y/N]. You better start eating.”

 

Taking a spoonful to your lips and blowing on it to cool it down, you ask, “what’s in it?”

 

“I don’t know exactly what it's called in English, but basically, there’s fresh and cured beef, chicken and pork, onions, capers, olives, tomatoes, pickled cucumber and the rest is a secret,” she tells you, bringing a finger up to her lips.

 

You put the spoon with the cooled down soup in your mouth and it tastes magical. It’s so extremely hearty and there’s a perfect blend of sweetness and sourness. The meat is so tender it breaks in your mouth and the vegetables are just as easy to chew on. You close your eyes and moan, and for a second, you forgot every bad thing that was happening around you. You forget why you were staying with Nat and not your husband. You forget why you felt sorry for yourself. Nothing mattered more in that moment than the taste of that soup in your mouth.

After swallowing the mouthful of soup, you opened your eyes back up to see Nat’s face light up.

 

“Well, do you like it?”

 

“I love it, Nat. This soup is insane, it’s magical. I just...” you giggle, "I forgot about everything that was happening."

 

She chuckled, sighed and looked down at her soup. “Yeh, I lied. My mother didn’t make this for me. A cook in the Red Room made this for the children. She, of course, wasn’t allowed to, but she served each of us a bowl of it for dinner one night. I’ve only had this soup once before because the next day, she was gone. We all thought they had just fired her, but I soon learnt that they’d killed her for treating us so well.”

 

You reach to hold her hand on the tray and stroke your thumb over her fingers. She then continues, “Although I only had it once, the taste of that soup and the harmony of the ingredients is left implanted in my head. It was the one time in the Red Room where I didn’t feel numbed to my emotions. I let my emotions rush past me and they weren’t fearful or angry, they were peaceful.”

 

“Damn Nat, sometimes I forget how much you’ve been through.”

 

“Yeah, well…” she nudged her head towards your bowl. “Eat up.”

 

While the two of you ate, you chatted about everything and you filled her in with all the drama that’s happening in your life. Your surprise pregnancy, how you found out Steve had cheated on you, how you forgave him, how you stopped puking not long after Steve and the team left for that week-long mission, how your belly started growing, how Steve had sex too rough for your liking and finally, how to handle the current situation; what was the best thing for you to do?

 

“I could always just go back to Steve. I mean, he's my child’s father.”

 

“[Y/N], I love Steve like a brother, but how could you? Once I escaped my torturers, I never looked back. Hell, I _couldn’t_ look back.”

 

“Nat, that’s crazy. You’re comparing Steve to torturers.”

 

“I guess it’s a bit far-fetched, but you can’t deny the fact that he had sex with you without your consent; he raped you. The two of you can’t act happy go lucky with your child and then hate each other behind closed doors.”

 

“I don’t hate him and looking back, although it felt like he raped me, I can’t help but think he didn’t. I mean, Stevie wouldn’t do that to me on purpose - it was an accident, no biggie. I just think he wasn’t used to fucking someone so… useless and fragile.”

 

“Oh gosh, don’t tell me you _actually_ believe all that.”

 

“I mean, he told me he thought I was green ‘cause I was still breathing… He also told me he basically went easy on me. That ‘Sharon could have handled so much more,’” you mocked.

 

“He said that? All that?” Nat questioned, mouth agape.

 

You bring your arms down to cover your belly and make yourself look smaller. “Yeah, kinda,” you admit shyly despite knowing fully well he had said all of that to you. You just didn’t want to be the reason to expose him and have him receive an ass-kicking from Nat.

 

“What else has he said to you?”

 

“He uhm…” you begin, letting a tear slip past, “he called me a bitch for telling you everything that happened.”

 

“A bitch?”

 

You nod and let out a hiccup. “Yeah, a dumb fucking bitch.”

 

She pushed herself off the bed and let out what you could only describe as a growl, then stood up facing the bedroom door. Russian words slipped past her lips and with the way the words were so sharply muttered, you could tell her words were profane.

Nat turned back to look at you. Her eyebrows were scrunched up and her nostrils were flared. Her breaths were deep and heavy; she was clearly trying to calm herself down.

 

“I’m going to the… gym. I need to… work this soup off.”

 

You could tell she was lying. She just needed to blow off some steam. You hated putting extra weight on Nat’s shoulders; you knew you were a being burden even though she tells you everything’s fine. You know she doesn’t mind your company and that she wants to know what’s happening in your life, but you also know that she cares for you a lot. She’s protective and treats you like a little sister - which is why what you’re going through now is also taking a toll on her.

 

When you hear her enter the lift and leave, you decide to take matters into your own hands. No more sulking and whining in front of Nat. You had to do something about your situation before you bring Nat farther down into your twisted rabbit hole.

 

You remove the tray of food off the bed and onto the bedside table and grab your phone, giving Steve a call.

 

Not one ring later, he picks up. You were taken back at how quickly he had answered his phone.

 

“[Y/N], doll, is that you?”

 

“Stevie?”

 

“Oh doll, it’s so good to hear your voice again. How are you? How’s the baby?” he asks quite eagerly.

 

“I’m fine. The baby’s fine. I haven’t been eating as much as I should be, but I’m fine. We’re fine.”

 

“That’s good to hear. You sound good, I mean, that sounds good.”

 

“How are you?”

 

There was a silence on the other end. “Steve?”

 

“Uhh yeah! I’m doing alright. I miss you though… any word on when you’ll be back?”

 

“I haven’t made my mind up yet. I don't know what to do, Stevie. But I feel bad for staying at Nat’s for so long…”

 

“Do you want to uhh… have lunch together? I can cook something up or we can go out.”

 

“I just had lunch with Nat. She’s in the gym now but I can come up.”

 

“Alright. I’ll see you in...?” he begins.

 

“Five minutes,” you say.

 

“Okay. Love you. Bye.”

 

“I lo-... I'll see you later.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next and last chapter will be up soon (like, later today depending on your time zone :D.
> 
> !! Please let me know if this story's plot is cohesive. I wrote it on a whim and I kind of just wrote each chapter without a big plan in mind. So if this story doesn't flow well, I'll need to upgrade the way I write - I'll need a story board of sorts :)
> 
> \---  
> Also, feel free to leave comments! I haven't put any restrictions on them so anyone, guests and users alike, can leave anything. yAY! Again, I have to standards to uphold, so roast my work if ye'd like (make sure it's constructive tho lmao).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye, here's the last chapter!  
> Hope y'all will like it :)
> 
> Word count: 2274.
> 
> (btw, I've renamed the series because 'Blameless' didn't really end up fitting...)

You only noticed how distressed you are once you reach your's and Steve’s shared floor. You're a little tense and your hands and temples are sweaty. When the lift dings and the doors open, you’re met with Steve sitting down on the couch. Like you, his eye bags have darkened and his cheeks are slightly more hollow.

 

The moment the two of you look at each other, he grins and comes towards you with open arms expecting you to do the same. You had expected yourself to do the same thing too, but when he gets closer, you’re taken back to that morning. That morning he choked you unconscious. You shake the thought off.

 

_‘No. It was an accident. He didn’t mean it. It was just an acci-’_

 

“Doll are you alright?” he asks. You hadn’t realized you were physically shaking the thought off until he interrupted your train of thought.

 

“Uhm… yeah I’m okay. I just…”

 

“You can be honest,” he says, as if he knew the reason behind why you were stumbling over your words.

 

“I still can’t get the thought out of my mind; that you choked me until I passed out, Stevie.”

 

He looks down to the floor, face fallen with shame. “I’m sorry about that.”

 

You sigh. “It’s alright, I know you meant no harm. It was just scary that you could be so reckless with me. It terrified me. _You_ terrified me. You made me think that I was going to die.”

 

He rubs his temples. “God [Y/N], I didn’t thin-... I didn’t know you were hurt that badly.”

 

“I thought the baby was going to die with me.” You walk past him and sit on the couch to relieve the painful feeling in your feet from supporting your heavier weight.

 

He turned his face away from you. You barely saw it, but walking past him, you saw a tear run down his cheek.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how I could say it more sincerely, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had betrayed your trust in that way. I mean it.”

 

“I know you do, Stevie. And thanks for giving me time. For letting me ‘run away’ for three days,” you say in air quotes.

 

“That’s fine, you’d thought I…" he coughs, "raped you so, I thought a few days alone would do you some good.”

 

You give him a half smile. “Yeah.” You get straight to the point, “where do we go from here, Stevie?”

 

“Well for starters, I would like you to move back in.”

 

“Yeah okay, I can do that,” you say a tad bit hesitantly.

 

“What can I do to make you trust me again? To make you look at me and let me… touch you again?”

 

“Have you slept with Agent 13 since I left?”

 

“No,” he claims immediately. You’ve known him long enough to know he was telling the truth.

 

“Good. Stevie, the thing is: I trust you. I really do. I just need to know why you were so rough with me. Was it an anomaly? Will it happen again? Are you secretly kinky?”

 

Steve coughs uncomfortably. “Oh heavens. I guess you could say that but I mean…”

 

“You can be honest,” you reiterate - only repeating what he’d said earlier. “Tell me everything. No hard feelings about your affair with the agent.”

 

“Well, when I was with uhm, _her_ , we experimented a lot. So I guess in your words, yeah, ‘kinky shit’”

 

“What kind of stuff did the two of you do together?”

 

“You really gonna make me get into this?”

 

You nod, reaching a hand out to caress his cheek. “You can trust me with your secrets; especially your wife with these ones.” You wink at him and he relaxes his shoulders.

 

“We did quite a lot of things, to be honest. But after experimenting, I only ended up liking taking control, being rough, slight BDSM, that sort of stuff. I wanted to try it out with you before I went to her, but you have to take things slow, which always ruined the mood when I tried to get into it with you.”

 

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

 

He scoffs. “Why?”

 

“Because I’m not who you want me to be. I’m a disappointment.”

 

“Hey now,” he says, standing up closer to you, giving you a loose hug - aware that a tight hug might just take you back. “You’re not a disappointment. I’m just-just greedy.”

 

 _‘Oh, so I’m not enough for you?’_ you thought to yourself, but you opted for, “okay.”

 

“I’m sorry, I won’t be so greedy anymore,” he apologizes.

 

Again, all you thought to say was, “okay.”

 

“Let me prepare us some dinner. Can you get your stuff from Nat’s, come back up and get ready for dinner?”

 

“Okay.”

 

He heads towards the kitchen and you get off the couch and enter the lift.

 

\---

 

Going back to Nat’s room to pack your stuff up, you’re interrupted by a sweaty Nat laying down on her couch.

 

You walk up to her and notice scratches on her face. You crouch down next to her and cup her cheek.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I had a little talk with a Sharon Carter.”

 

“Oh my god, Nat. You brawled?”

 

“I tried to make her resign - to get away from Steve. Then when verbal reasoning didn’t work, I thought some physical reasoning would do her some good... She's a tough cookie, that one."

 

You walked to her bathroom and took out the first aid kit. You take the iodine out and spilled the brown liquid onto a cotton pad. Then you pat the disinfectant onto the scratches.

 

“Does it hurt?” you ask, moving your hand back and forth like a fan to dry the iodine on her face.

 

She smirks. “Nah. You should really be asking _her_ that.”

 

You chuckle with concern still plastered on your face. “Oh Nat, what did you do to her?”

 

“Left a few bruises on her body and… face. And just maybe I dislocated her wrist.”

 

You pinch the nose of your bridge. “Christ, Nat.”

 

You stand up and walk to her bedroom, packing all your stuff up. Nat hears the rustling in her bedroom.

 

“[Y/N], what are you doing in there?”

 

“I’m packing up. It’s time I go back to my floor.” Then you mumble, “you know, sleep with my husband again or something.”

 

“Aww, I’ll miss your lethargic, sweaty ass staying here with me. I'll miss you sweaty ass prints on my blanket. I’ll miss taking care of you and the baby.”

 

“Alright Nat, I get it, I have a sweaty ass,” you kid, coming out of her bedroom with your bag fully packed and ready to go. You pat her back and give her a hug before entering the elevator back up to your room.

 

"See you later, Nat. I've got me a hot date," you giggle.

 

\---

 

You reach your floor expecting Steve to be at the dining table with some food on the table - some reheated leftovers, takeout, or perhaps if he was ambitious to make you happy, his Ma’s deliciously famous apple pie.

But instead of food, you see Steve leaning forward on the kitchen counter with his phone in front of him; the screen cracked as if he'd just thrown it. His veins were popped, visible on both his temples and his lean, strong arms. The room was dark and he hadn’t turned the lights on since the sun set, save for the one looming over the kitchen counter.

His eyebrows were furrowed, something had clearly set him off.

 

You tilt your head in confusion. Tentatively, you ask, “Stevie honey… what’s wrong?”

 

He stands up straight and trods slowly towards you. His back was hunched over and his hands clamped into fists. His stance was intimidating, but he shocks you more when he towers over you, his face barely two inches apart, and grabs your shoulders.

 

You let out a terrified whimper. “Stevie?” you ask quite pathetically as your body begins to sweat and shudder. Heat fills your face up and sweltering tears flood your face. When he doesn’t respond, you repeat, “Stevie?”

 

His eyes hone in on your face like a beast preying on its target. Close up, you can see that his jaw is clenched and that his right eye is twitching so very slightly. “You think you can just stroll in here? Don’t think I’m unaware of what you’ve done, [Y/N].”

 

“Stevie, I-”

 

“DON’T call me that.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, _Rogers_. Care to explain?”

 

He raises his voice at you, “Sharon just called, she's with Dr. Cho right now, and she said something about Nat beating the shit out her. you think I don’t know about you running off to Nat like some fucking child? You think I don’t know about you telling her to hurt Sharon?”

 

You shake your head. “I don’t- I didn’t tell her to do anything! She did it all out of her own hatred for Sharon." His expression didn't change so you opted to keep rambling to defend yourself.

 

"I didn't know until Nat explained why she was sweaty just then! Right before I came here, when I was packing up to live here again. I had no idea what had happened to Sharo-"

 

Unexpectedly, he shoved you to the side, flinging you to the wall. You instinctively cover your swollen belly with your arms to protect the growing child in it.

His grip on you had been so tight, you could already feel the bruises forming on your upper arm. And he had thrown you so hard into the wall that your head instantly felt dizzy and you could feel an aching lump form on the left side of your head.

 

You struggle to lean yourself up against the wall to face him, it takes you a little while, but you get it done. Then, when you finally see his face unfazed by what he's just done, your breathing gets deeper and heavier. You stop your crying . Your eyes widen and your eyebrows scrunch up. You were furious and you could feel your blood rushing and coursing through your body.

 

You had given him enough warnings. Enough second chances. This is it. You were going to get up, pack up and leave.

 

Since your swollen belly made it difficult to get up the normal way, you fall forward, using your forearms to catch your body as your legs shift backwards, landing on your feet to support your weight. You were in an awkward ‘yoga dog position’, but you were halfway getting yourself up.

 

You grunt trying to lift the rest of yourself up when Steve asks, “uhm, you need a hand?”

 

You manage to stand up and straighten yourself. “I don’t want any help from you, Steven Grant Rogers.”

 

Without saying another thing, you walk past him to get to the bedroom. You snatched the largest bag you could see and started shoveling piles of your clothes from your wardrobe into it. You grab a few more essentials, zip the bag up and exit the room.

 

You walk until you face the entrance of the lift, duffel bag in hand.

Waiting for the elevator to get to your level, you begin prying your wedding ring off your finger. Once it’s off, you turn and throw it at the man you regret being able to call your husband, hearing in clink as it settles on the ground near him.

 

When the elevator doors open, you enter it and hold the doors open with your hand. You turn your head up to face him; to speak your peace.

 

“Steve, I have loved you, I have trusted you and I have defended you. I have put my all into this marriage - my blood, sweat and tears. You, however, have the audacity to go about fucking another woman. The night I found out about your affair of God-knows-how-long, I also told you I was pregnant. I forgave you and gave you _one more chance_.”

 

You swipe your fiery tears off your face and continue. “When you came back and _raped_ me unconscious after your mission three days ago - when you put our child and me in harm’s way - I took some time off and contemplated. I then decided to trust you when you said you hadn’t meant it. So when I came back here earlier, agreeing to move back in with you, I gave you _one more chance_.” You hold your index finger up at him.

 

You let out a quavering breath, drew in a deep one and kept going, “but when you threw me, Steven, when you laid your hand on me and hurt me because you thought I had a say in hurting Sharon, one thing hit me: Sharon wasn’t just your… whore, you love her. You love her so much more than us,” you say, gesturing to you and your baby bump, “that you would fling me and your child away so absentmindedly out of anger, to protect her.”

 

“There is no love on your end of our marriage, Steve. Only obligation. And I can’t live with you knowing that this child and I mean so little to you. Face it, Steve, I'm no match for Agent 13.”

 

You take your hand away from the elevator door sensors, letting it close. He walks towards you with a pained look on his face.

 

“Doll, wait,” he says, walking briskly towards you and the elevator. But when he doesn’t hold the door open to prevent you from leaving, when he doesn’t fight to make you stay, you know you’ve made the right decision whether he knows it or not.

 

“Goodbye, Steve.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end, but let me know (via comments) if y'all want an epilogue or something.  
> The ending seemed a bit abrupt and I wouldn't mind just kind of finishing the story off with one more chapter if there's even one person that would like that :)
> 
> \---  
> P.S. Thank you all for so many hits :0 Again, I know they're just numbers but digGiTy dANg! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little addition to my other cheating fic :)
> 
> I plan to make this into a short, few-chapter work just cuz I love reading cheating fics with a somewhat determined ending (and I think this has the foundation of a decent plot line). The problem with this is that: I have to determine the ending :0  
> idk I'll figure something out, but please do leave suggestions; comments (and kudos ;) really motivate me. It's what led me to write this: my second fic.
> 
> P.S. thanks to the few nice people that left me comments and suggestions on the last fic! :D
> 
> P.P.S. I'm an amateur and have no cherished status to uphold, so if you spot any nasty mistakes, typos etc., then please feel free to tell me! :)


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